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As much as we want to do what we think is "right", we can only base our actions on what we are able to do given our experiences and the journey we are on. When we do something that turns out to be what we think is a mistake, we have to realize that it's all perfect and forgive ourselves.
Only when we forgive ourselves are we able to choose differently the next time we are given the opportunity.
Only when we forgive ourselves are we able to choose differently the next time we are given the opportunity.
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Unsu...
Re: We are forgiven
Sat, December 20, 2003 - 8:55 AMI have done something recently that I am not proud of...but at the same time It is helping rid society of a trouble maker...
I am sorry that I cannot go into details not now...maybe another time...but thanks for having this place...
Let me refure to my DEED as "Wrong Doing 2003" or "WD03"
so from now on if I speak of it this is what I will call it.
Nikki -
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Unsu...
Re: We are forgiven
Sun, December 28, 2003 - 12:47 PMForgiving to Heal
You know you have forgiven someone when he or she has harmless passage through your mind. - Rev. Karyl Huntley
I am in need to learn how to forgive. You can say the words, but do they really "work" all by themsevles? No. I don't think so. Forgiveness is something that is sort of like exercising...To start out is hard...painful even...I know from trying to get into my own habit of exercising it is painful. I still do not exercise. But I have tried. I have also tried to Forgive. Getting past the pain in doing this is the hard part.
You are letting go of the pain of whatever it was that was done to you...whether you did this thing or someone did it to you.
An article I read, "Let the Healing Begin" By Jo-an Holstein((Jo-an Holstein is a longtime Valley resident and freelance writer who has contributed to several newspapers and magazines.))
talks about two kinds of forgivness:
"Two Types of Forgiveness
Experts say one type of forgiveness is forgiving someone else. The other type is forgiving yourself, and that's something Crutcher says the *imprisoned driver still struggles to do.
People can hold onto guilt, says Cheryl Cumbee, a certified professional counselor and executive director of the Faith Counseling Center in Scottsdale. "Consciously or subconsciously, they beat themselves up."
For example, a woman she counseled had an abortion at 17 and never told anyone. Now married with three children, she still feels pain and guilt from the experience. By forgiving herself, Cumbee says, the woman could release energy that could be put to other uses."
*the rest of the article is at this link:
www.azcentral.com/cp/fitwel...begin.html
I am guilty of beating myself up for things I have done that are not even my fault. I will not go into details here. But I do. And it is, I believe, the first step many should take in healing...Stop hurting yourself, forgive yourself, "release the energy that could be put to better use." If we cannot forgive ourselves how can we forgive others?
What are some more ideas that you all have on this topic?
I feel that because I have hung on to this anger for so long that is is causing me great pain. Real pain. It is why I am still depressed. It is why I fear.
I have tried one method of forgiving. I would like to share it and see what you all think. I was camping, June 2003 and I had intense pain while my friend was doing Reiki healing on me. It was too much for me and my friend also. I asked for a pin and paper...I begain to scribble, write all these thoughts about one person that has hurt me a great deal in my life. I wrote furiously...most of it was not legible. But it did not matter it was important to get the "feelings" down on the paper not so much the words, I was crying and screaming with pain and terror as the old thoughts came to my mind. The camp fire before me was there to help me...I tore the pages out that I wrote on...tore them up and put them into the blazing fire. As the pages burned I could feel alot of anger leaving me...I felt less in pain...I felt more at Peace.
I believe we need a way to get our anger out...let it go...and forgive...and let the healing begin.
I do not mean for us to get it out here in this Tribe...but somewhere with people we trust, or no one at all...where ever you feel best to take this journey. I just do not want the poison of the words we would put here to stay here...they must not only be released but destroyed as I did in the fire...to leave them here on a screen(or any where) that can be seen over and over does not seem healing to me...Make it as cerimonial as you want or need it to be...with or without friends or family...
It feels more real with a few people around that you can trust. Do this, try it with something small and see how it feels...
You ate chocolate and your on a diet...ok let it go...in this way or which ever way helps you...see how good you will feel... see that it is ok to forgive...Then work your way up to harder things...whatever they may be. But becareful just like with exercising if you do too much it burns you out and you don't go back to it for a long time, if ever. Let's try to start with ourselves first...I do believe we start at the center of a knot and untangle it, not the outside strands first...
This is my thought for today...Peace be to you all. ~Nikki~ -
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Unsu...
Re: We are forgiven and WE do Forgive...
Sun, December 28, 2003 - 12:49 PMThe Sweat Lodge...Dec 21
There was 17 people attending...I am not going through it all...but what I have felt and learned...
Lynn asked us to write down all our negitive Give A Ways...I wrote down many as I could...
here is a partial list...Pain, anger,fear,depression,laziness,lack of ambition...
then we burned them. We also wrote our Good things we need to work harder on...I mean like forgotten goals...sort of...
But first let me step into the Lodge...
It fit all of us we sit in a circle...we sang...Honestly I was alittle disturbed by this because they sang songs in English that they only knew and usually we sing In Tribal Chants that are easy enough to catch onto once you hear them a couple times...I never have trouble with them...it is in my blood...but we had several non Indians in there so it was really ok...
The Flap went down and it is completley dark...
Sweet Grass and Sage were burning...Sweet Grass brings the Spirits...and does smell sweet.
All our Spirit Relations are invited in...
and we begin...
We ask for blessings for all others...family friends...animals the world...we speak in unison...voices mingle and mix...it is beautiful...This is where I prayed for all I know in here...in Depressions and Native American tribes...If I know your name I spoke it...if I know you more personally I asked for more personal healings...As I spoke each person's name...I felt more and more sweat pour down my face...my back...and chest...MORE than I ever felt before...it almost felt like blood at some point thick and hot...like if I had a slice in my skin and I was pouring out all fluids from within...and from you all too.
even tears that did not come from ME crying but I felt the saddness and sorrow of many...of you all...
"Let's us understand a reason that we are in such pain...Grandfather...Give us understanding for the pain and tears...let us know how to live with this...IF it is a lesson let us begin to learn things...Let all our negitives learn to flow...mix...and dance with the positives...and not react in a way that over powers us and brings us down...Grandfather WE all have reasons...show us the reasons...that we are here...reasons to struggle...to wake up each day and do something in our lives to move forward...SHOW us the way! If we are supposed to live with pain either for a week or our whole lives teach us how to live with it...help us to be strong...aHelp us understand why this pain has been given to us...help us to understand it...and not fear it...not hate it...GrandFather...Help me give away all my pain...To do this I must Give away the fear...hate...anger and depression to be able to begin to heal...allow me to do this...allow us all to do this in the times we are ready to do it...I/we must Forgive...help me/us to Forgive...Grandfather...I have spoken for all my relations and too all my relations Aho!
This was not the end...it went on atleast 3-4 hours...less than four...we had alot of New-bes and so Lynn did not want to over do it...she even said it was not going to be a very hot Sweat...BUT as I said I did feel more sweat than ever before...and I have been in hotter sweats...it was amazing...
Now some of you might not like or understand me...but listen and take it to your hearts...because this comes from my heart...
I read post after post of the pain...and fears..all coming from very young...and some not too young...from rich and poor...
it just keeps coming and the suffering does not stop...
I mean when I read in the other Tribes...
I listen...OR read..it all...I do not always reply...and sometimes I do...very strongly...or sometimes with a HUG...
I care...ALOT...you are not strangers to me...to me you are friends...my relations...and I felt you all with me in there on this night...I need to move forward...and I need to have supportive people...in my life...Here and at Home...
I have been suffering with this depression for most of my 44 years...IT is time for me to Heal...to forgive...If I seem HArse to some it is out of my own frusteration...of seeing back into the past...when I sat alone...before the computor age I had only animals friends...or rocks and stones...the Earth...Grass...Now I do hear you all...and it is overwhelming to me...I feel all of you...stop and think of that for a moment...YOU all know each other enough...you know your pains and fears...angers...I FEEL IT ALL...daily...this is from my heart...I feel YOU ALL...when someone is not on my mind another person comes into place...one of you is always with me...
I am healing me...and I want to heal you all...with all my heart and soul...But I cannot...I can support you...show you a direction but it is up to each of you to journey the path on your own time...in your own way...I am HERE...and will always be...HERE...But I am healing...I cannot always write "hateful" things..."painful" things...If I am moving ahead...I am Healing...I feel it is the time...I must do this...The choice is mine...
Step-Father I forgive you for hurting me...for never telling me that I am special...for telling me I am too stupid for college...Step-Father I have forgiven you...please leave me alone...Do not keep telling me I will Fail...I will become what ever I set my mind to do...Your body is dead...your spirit is free to leave me alone...I cannot and will NOT hear your voice anymore...
EX no#2...YOU know YOUR name...I forgive you for abusing me and calling me names...raping me and selling my body for your money...for cutting my hair ugly and telling me that it was beautiful...I forgive you for never helping with any chores...for letting me get up to tend to the babies alone even if I was sick...YOUR voice is silent I hear it no more...
For all the others to many to mention...I forgive you for all the pain and fears and hate you have given me...I do not want it anymore...I let it go...I am healing and I am not a servant to those things anymore...I am Healing and I do not hear your voices anymore...I hear only the good voices encouraging me forward...only the voices telling me I AM special...I am OK...I am Healing...
All the negitive people in my past can take a HIKE...on the other road...whatever color it is...I am on the Red Road to Healing...and Beyond..."I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am Healing...and when you all are ready you will be to...
I, Nikki, have spoken and said this FOR All my Relations and TO All My Relations...AHO! -
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Re: We are forgiven and WE do Forgive...
Sun, December 28, 2003 - 1:36 PMNikki, you have a wonderful giving spirit. Thank you so much for the tears and prayers for me and all the others you prayed for.
You ARE healing...it's happening right now. Piece by piece, the guilt is wearing down. YOU are emerging into your own true light, and you've seen the beautiful spirit that you are.
Peace be unto you....as you recognize your truth.
Lynn
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Re: We are forgiven
Sun, December 28, 2003 - 1:23 PMThank you, Nikki for posting this here.
You are so right:
"Stop hurting yourself, forgive yourself, "release the energy that could be put to better use." If we cannot forgive ourselves how can we forgive others? "
Lynn -
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Unsu...
Re: We are forgiven
Mon, December 29, 2003 - 8:23 AMLynn thanks I do feel better...tiered and worn like someone struggling...and I am...I am going to stay in these healing places untill I feel better...thanks...peace and light
Nikki -
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Unsu...
Re: We are forgiven
Mon, January 5, 2004 - 8:07 AMFeeling better a little each day...like flowers breaking through soil...into a new world where they have done no wrong...
But I am human...I make mistakes...I must learn that making them is learning...I must learn from them...not just to not do it again...but that there was a reason for me doing this...or that...But on these things I do not dwell I know the answers will come...in time...like the flower knows the rain will come...
Nikki
(how are you doing Lynn?) -
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Unsu...
Re: We are forgiven
Wed, January 7, 2004 - 7:29 PMYou know you have forgiven someone when he or she has harmless passage through your mind. - Rev. Karyl Huntley
I am still distrurbed about my EX...I still have bad thoughts and hate for him...I have not forgiven because one time His Now 2nd-EX...whom he also abused...and I confronted him and he denied it all all the abuse he did to both of us...he is not sorry and he continues to put down the girls(now 21...and19) he still is a pain...I cannot forgive if he keeps it up...and I feel great anger....and that is paining me again...
Nikki -
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Re: We are forgiven
Thu, January 8, 2004 - 7:49 AMYou and I are in similar situations, Nikki. I understand the pain of wanting and not wanting to forgive someone.
Back this summer my ex and I were actually talking (reads "communicating".) But recently he was abusive to my sons who were living with him. Just a few days before Thanksgiving he was arrested for domestic violence with the 21 year old. **Talk about being thankful at Thanksgiving... I was overjoyed that the boys were out of the situation living with their dad.** After he was arrested the boys told me that he had also done the same thing to the 15 year old (choked him) with his older brother intervening instead of calling the police.
I thought I had forgiven him months ago. In fact, Dave had taught me a meditation to use that would help me see him in the light of God's love. I did! I was amazed at the results of that meditation. But since this has happened, I find myself not wanting to forgive him, but to attack him myself.
When he was arrested for DUI (first time in 40 or more years of drinking) as he was picking up the 15 year old after a football game in October, I thought it would wake him up to how much his alcoholism is affecting his boys. He had to go to some counseling program as a result. Didn't even slow him down.
So. I guess knowing that forgiveness needs to happen is at least a start.
Peace for you Nikki,
Lynn -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.Unsu...
Re: We are forgiven
Thu, January 8, 2004 - 8:29 AMThanks Lynn...I really thought that I wanted to forgive him...but a flood of pain and remembering came back when he hurts the girls (emotional...mind games and such) they keep seeing him because he is in town for a while...and he is still a "dickhead" (sorry)anyway...I realize in time I can forgive him for what he did to me...being that it has been 19 years...and then when he continues to do dumb stuff I can get upset at the new things...but they are directed to the girls they need to forgive him not me...and I do not need to drag up the old stuff...and get upset about it over and over...
Thanks so much...I just sort of barely reached the surface of forgiving him... I will try again next aweat lodge...(1/17)
Thanks and Peace to you as well...Nikki -
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Unsu...
Re: We are forgiven
Sat, January 24, 2004 - 9:18 PMI have been pushed to my )))ANGER((( limits and blew up...
I am not going to the people I blew up at(they are members in other tribes) they are just troubled minds and they do not know the value of a GOOD friend. and they pushed me into a corner, and I fought...
I am not sorry for getting angry at them, I am upset at myself for being weak. BUT being human I forgive myself, because, though I might have over reacted I feel that I should not be attacked. I have had enough personal attacks and I am not taking them and it is so hard to walk away from ON LINE people
Here at home I am learning to try to walk away from my abusive daughter(she gets her fill of stress and lashes out at me)
I try harder to walk away...but here it is hard. but I am taking control, by blocking people that annoy me, hurt me, etc. I leacve tribes and people relationships when I see that they are not healthy for me. So I do forgive myself for BLOWING UP today and some of yesterday...
I am OK. I am surviving. -
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Unsu...
Re: We are forgiven
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 8:30 AMForgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask yourself: "Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter?" If the answer is "No," then that's it! All is forgiven.
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Re: We are forgiven
Tue, January 29, 2008 - 5:58 AMI have a huge problem with forgiving myself - I have forgiven most of people who were resposible for me being hurt int he past, but did I really? Can I forgive anyone before I forgive myself? I am not sure.
And as one pain leads to another, and as we, human beings, just love to bask in self-guilt and self-pity, I used to hurt myself beyond all measures. And this I didn't know how to forgive.
The road is long and is paved with sharp stones, but I am sure I can manage!
Check this out. At the bottom there's a nice technique of bringing in self-forgiveness:
www.coping.org/innerhealing/forgive.htm
